Poco a poco se va lejos

I'm sitting on my biggest drawdown ever (47%), and it has left me wondering... how the hell am I going to hurdle this?

August 2009 - the month I will always remember as a trader.

The losses started as a trickle - little by little the market churned me. It was just 1%-2% losses per day. Until the big drop came. I decided to hold a stock overnight that was strong fundamentally, even though it wasn't doing very well technically. The next day, it gapped down 12%. The company placed shares at a deep discount. I was devastated. From that point on, the losses have been piling up exponentially. I can't control my risk. My emotions have been running high. I've been cutting too late and taking profits too early. I simply am not in tune with the markets.

My psychological well-being has also been compromised. And it shows with the way I've been dealing with my co-workers. It seems like, lately, I am more concerned about HOPING that their stocks would decline, and their account balances would deteriorate to a level below mine. This stupid competitive or crab-mentality episode of mine has been distracting me from what should be my ultimate goal - improving and refining my trading in order to make up my losses and eventually, WIN.

GOD. The market is running high and I'm losing money. For days and weeks, I've been jumping around from trading right to trading reckless. Why? Because I've been hoping for that big break in order to bring back my confidence, which has been causing me to pick a stock, bet big and then, consequently, HOPE that it would go up without looking at the picture objectively.

I need to change. I know I can turn this around. I just need to be more patient and be content with singles and doubles. My losses started out with a trickle and then a big drop came... maybe if I traded better, my gains would start small, and then with a little luck, a big win would come around as well.

This will be my toughest test ever.

Little by little, one goes far.